Dumb warnings

Appliances 1

Unknown Air Conditioner
Caution: Avoid dropping air conditioners out of windows.
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Unknown Blow Dryer
Warning: Do not use while sleeping.
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White-Westinghouse 1600 Blow Dryer
Keep away from water
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Unknown Japanese Food Processor
Not to be used for anything else.
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Rowenta Iron
Warning: Never iron clothes on the body.
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Unknown Vacuum Cleaner
1. Do not use to pick up gasoline or flammable liquids 2. Do not use to pick up anything that is currently burning.
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Life saving device
This is NOT a life saving device!!!
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Drinks 1 2 Next


Miller Lite (Read Comments)
Consumption of alcoholic beverages impairs your ability to drive a car or operate machinery, and may cause health problems.
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McDonald's Coffee (Read Comments)
Warning - Contents may be hot.
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7 Up
Contents under pressure. Cap may blow off causing eye or other serious injury. Point away from face and people, especially when opening.
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Swansea Institute of Higher Education, Wales, UK
A letter distributed to staff and students included the following message:

For safety reasons all staff and students are reminded that the taking of hot drinks out of the Refectory / fast food areas is strictly forbidden.

Several slipping accidents have already occurred as a result of liquid being spilt on the floor and the probability of someone suffering from a serious scalding accident whilst walking along busy corridors and getting into crowded lifts is high.

Your full cooperation in ensuring that you do not put yourself and others at risk is required.
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Canada Dry Club Soda
Warning: Contents under pressure. Cap may blow off causing eye or other serious injury. Point away from face and people, especially while opening.
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Tesco Fruit Juice Carton
On bottom side: "Keep Upright".
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Sainsburys Mineral Water (Read Comments)
Suitable for vegetarians.
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Silk Soy Milk
Shake well and buy often
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Volvic Natural Mineral Water
Bottle exclusively designed for the use of Volvic Natural Mineral Water. Do not refill.
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Moet White Star Champagne
Warning: Remove label before placing in microwave.
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Clothes 1


Child-Sized Superman Costume
Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly.
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Unknown Batman Costume
Warning: Cape does not enable user to fly.
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Champion Swimmer Supporter Jockstrap (Read Comments)
This product is only to be prescribed by a physician and fit only by a trained technician.
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Unknown Graduation Gown
Do not wash or dry clean.
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Electronics 1 2 Next


Various Computers
Keyboard not detected. Press F1 to continue
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Unknown European Camera
This camera will only work when film is inside.
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Lucent Technologies Model 6210 Telephone
The following is found on page 4 of the instruction book:

To place or answer a call, lift the handset.
To place a call, dial the desired number.
To end the call, hang up the handset.

Another gem, also on Page 4:
To put a call on Hold: Press "Hold".
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Various Personal Computers
On startup: No keyboard detected. Press any key to continue.
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Yamaha Pro-Mix 01 Mixing Desk LCD Display
Press STORE to store
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Japanese GameCube Instruction Manual
Do not attempt to stick head inside deck, which may result in injury.
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Sony Vaio PCV-J200 Computer
Warning! Disconnect telephone lines before opening!
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Blockbuster Rental DVD (Read Comments)
Be kind - rewind.
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Unknown Minidisc Player
Best when used with MiniDisc recorders and players.
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Sony Trinitron (Read Comments)
CAUTION: Risk of electric shock. Do not open.
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Food 1 2 3 4 Next


Hungry Jack Lite Syrup
After a lengthly instruction on how to heat the bottle:
CAUTION: SYRUP BOTTLE MAY BE HOT.
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Michelina's Yu Sing
CAREFUL, IT'S HOT!
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Fritos
You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside.
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Hellman's Fat Free Honey Dijon Dressing
On cap: Twist to Open
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American Airlines Peanuts
Instructions: open packet, eat nuts.
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Mark and Spencer's Bread Pudding
Product will be hot after heating.
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Tesco's Tirimisu Desert
Do not turn upside down (Printed on the bottom of the box).
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Sainsbury Peanuts (Read Comments)
Warning: This product contains nuts.
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Nabisco Easy Cheese
For best results, remove cap.
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Swanson TV Dinners (Read Comments)
This product must be cooked before eating.
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Hygiene 1 2 3 Next


AAFES Baby Oil
Keep out of reach of children
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Little Ones Baby Lotion
Keep away from children
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Aveeno Bath Treatment
For external use only
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Unknown Hair Coloring
Do not use as an ice cream topping.
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Clairol Herbal Essences Maximum Hold Hairspray
WARNING: Do not smoke until hair is dry.
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Bath & Body Works Peppermint Foot Spray
CAUTION: Avoid contact with face, eyes, and broken skin.
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Wet-Nap
Directions: Tear open packet and use.
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Fetish Body Mist
Not for intimate hygiene.
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Bath & Body Works Protective Anti-Bacterial Hand Lotion
Avoid contact with eyes.
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Cabot's Vitamin E Chamile Anti-Stress Bath Calming Bath Soak
For adult use only.

Medicine 1 2 Next


Good Neighbor Pharmacy Ferrous Sulfate (Read Comments)
Contains iron.
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CIBA Vision Pure Eyes
Use before the expiration date
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Demazin Infant Drops (Read Comments)
This formula may cause drowsiness, if affected do not operate heavy machinery or drive a vehicle.
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Boot's Childrens Cough Medicine (Read Comments)
Do not drive a car or run machinery.
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Vicks Ny-Quil Gel Caps
Use of this product in conjunction with alcohol or sedatives may cause drowsiness.
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Bayer Aspirin
Do not take if allergic to aspirin.
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Phar-Mor Children's Aspirin Free Pain Relief
In case of accidental overdose, please contact a physician.
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Unknown Birth Control Pills
Do not use if you are pregnant, intend to become pregnant, or might be pregnant.
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Tylenol P.M.
CAUTION: This product will cause drowsiness. Do not drive a motor vehicle or operate machinery after use.
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Nytol Sleep Aid
Warning: May cause drowsiness

Miscellaneous 1 2 3 4 5 Next


Unknown Christmas Lights
Warning: For indoor or outdoor use only.
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Bic Lighter
Ignite lighter away from face.
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Komatsu Floodlight
This floodlight is capable of illuminating large areas, even in the dark
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Unknown Fire Extinguisher
Caution: Non-Flamable
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Unknown Earplugs
These ear plugs are nontoxic, but may interfere with breathing if caught in windpipe
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Energizer AAA 4 Pack
If swallowed, promptly see doctor.
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Summerfield Suites - Near Door
Parents! The door handle can be opened by small children
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Unknown Mattress
Warning: Do not attempt to swallow <- ROFLMAO!!!

Blockbuster Giftcard
To open: 1. Tear off perforated sides A & B 2. Pull off at arrow.
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Unknown Matches
Caution: Contents may catch fire.
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Signs 1 2 3 4 5 Next


Interstate 10, Near Phoenix, AZ
State Prison: Do Not Stop for Hitchhikers
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Boyne Falls, Michigan, U.S. 131
Do not pass while opposing traffic present.
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Highway 26, Idaho Falls, Idaho
Warning to tourists: don't laugh at the natives.
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Unknown Location (Read Comments)
The sign reads, "Ignore this sign".
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University of Saskatchewan, in Saskatoon
Pedestrian Tunnel. No admittance (Pedestrian tunnels planned to link all the buildings of the school, but the project ran out of funding before they could be completed)
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Sheriff's Dept., Warrden County, IN
At entrance to jail a sign reads, "No weapons beyond this point". Message is also written in brail underneath.
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Unknown Location (Read Comments)
A sign indicates a left bend in the road. Underneath is a sign stating "Keep Right".
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Rim Drive, Durango, CO
Warning: Do Not Hit This Sign
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Various Parts of Jamaica
In Jamaica, they call Speed Bumps "Sleeping Policemen", so in some parts of the island, there are signs that read, "Warning! Sleeping Policemen Ahead".
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Unknown Road, Clemson, SC (Read Comments)
Caution water on road during rain.
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Signs 1 2 3 4 5 Next


Interstate 10, Near Phoenix, AZ
State Prison: Do Not Stop for Hitchhikers
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Boyne Falls, Michigan, U.S. 131
Do not pass while opposing traffic present.
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Highway 26, Idaho Falls, Idaho
Warning to tourists: don't laugh at the natives.
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Unknown Location (Read Comments)
The sign reads, "Ignore this sign".
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University of Saskatchewan, in Saskatoon
Pedestrian Tunnel. No admittance (Pedestrian tunnels planned to link all the buildings of the school, but the project ran out of funding before they could be completed)
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Sheriff's Dept., Warrden County, IN
At entrance to jail a sign reads, "No weapons beyond this point". Message is also written in brail underneath.
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Unknown Location (Read Comments)
A sign indicates a left bend in the road. Underneath is a sign stating "Keep Right".
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Rim Drive, Durango, CO
Warning: Do Not Hit This Sign
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Various Parts of Jamaica
In Jamaica, they call Speed Bumps "Sleeping Policemen", so in some parts of the island, there are signs that read, "Warning! Sleeping Policemen Ahead".
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Unknown Road, Clemson, SC (Read Comments)
Caution water on road during rain.
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Signs 1 2 3 4 5 Next


Interstate 10, Near Phoenix, AZ
State Prison: Do Not Stop for Hitchhikers
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Boyne Falls, Michigan, U.S. 131
Do not pass while opposing traffic present.
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Highway 26, Idaho Falls, Idaho
Warning to tourists: don't laugh at the natives.
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Unknown Location (Read Comments)
The sign reads, "Ignore this sign".
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University of Saskatchewan, in Saskatoon
Pedestrian Tunnel. No admittance (Pedestrian tunnels planned to link all the buildings of the school, but the project ran out of funding before they could be completed)
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Sheriff's Dept., Warrden County, IN
At entrance to jail a sign reads, "No weapons beyond this point". Message is also written in brail underneath.
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Unknown Location (Read Comments)
A sign indicates a left bend in the road. Underneath is a sign stating "Keep Right".
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Rim Drive, Durango, CO
Warning: Do Not Hit This Sign
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Various Parts of Jamaica
In Jamaica, they call Speed Bumps "Sleeping Policemen", so in some parts of the island, there are signs that read, "Warning! Sleeping Policemen Ahead".
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Unknown Road, Clemson, SC (Read Comments)
Caution water on road during rain.
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Web 1

Travelling Man Site, Gamer2Gamer Section (Read Comments)
This is not a dating agency.

Yard Care 1


Unknown Wheelbarrow
Do not use when temperature exceeds 140 Farenheit.
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Craftsman Push Mower
Warning: Do not attempt to remove blade while lawnmower is running or plugged into an outlet.
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Jonsreds Chainsaw
Do not attempt to stop chain with hands.
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Unknown Pine Bark Mulch
This bag contains forest products.
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Swedish Chainsaw
Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands or genitals.
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if you wanna see the rest, go to http://www.dumbwarnings.com and select 'Warning index'

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Trebuchet MS, Arial, Helvetica, serif">quote:</font><hr width="100%" size="1" noshade><font face="Trebuchet MS, Arial, Helvetica, serif" size="2">Unknown Air Conditioner
Caution: Avoid dropping air conditioners out of windows. </font><hr width="100%" size="1" noshade></BLOCKQUOTE>

For a window unit that would make perfect sense.

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-DarkWolf

Who wouldn't avoid dropping their air conditioner out a window?

We're talking about everyday people here...

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-DarkWolf

LMAO... heh, so many morons and idiots out there these days... like those Peanuts warning: "may contains nuts"..... No F**Kin Duh! Its a nut, isnt it?

I like crap like this and useless facts...

ROFL@Child-Sized Superman Costume
Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly.

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Vilecore@The Megawad

The NewdooM Community Project

How cool would it be tho if it did enable you to fly.

Unknown Christmas Lights
Warning: For indoor or outdoor use only.

LMAO Now there's a stupid label!

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"Once in a while a programmer really writes something he's proud of, a slick, elegant, blazingly fast routine that stands as a benchmark against which other code will be judged by. However, this is not the case with TED's fill routine. This slow, stupid algorithm will casually fill one plane of data in a painfully creeping manner. Press ESC when it gets confused." - John Romero on TED (Tile EDitor)

Aliotroph?.postCount++;

On a kitchen knife:

Warning: Keep out of children.

Let's all hope all mothers follow this warning.

But hey, this might be a smart warning, because if a man kills her children with it, she can't sue the company, since they could say, "We warned you!"

On a sign: Picture menus for those unable to read.

This is like the joke where a guy looks all over for the friend's phone number, then calls the friend, saying, "I lost your phone number. Could you tell me what it is?"

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"And the brave hero stood before the oncoming maelstrom of evil, his blinding sword in hand, ready to slay darkness once and for all."

HAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAA!!!!!!@

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Trebuchet MS, Arial, Helvetica, serif">quote:</font><hr width="100%" size="1" noshade><font face="Trebuchet MS, Arial, Helvetica, serif" size="2">Unknown Christmas Lights
Warning: For indoor or outdoor use only.
LMAO Now there's a stupid label!</font><hr width="100%" size="1" noshade></BLOCKQUOTE>



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Vilecore@The Megawad

The NewdooM Community Project

It's sad but true how many people need to be told exactly what and what not to do. Some are for common sense but some of those seriously like the hair dye one, that has to be a joke right?
I like this one though... Various Personal Computers
On startup: No keyboard detected. Press any key to continue. Typical.
Unknown Mattress
Warning: Do not attempt to swallow
WHAT!? I'd love to see somebody try that!
Unknown Matches
Caution: Contents may catch fire. I've seen that before.


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"One look in her lusting eyes, savage fear in you will rise, teeth of terror sinking in, the bite of the she-wolf" - Megadeth.

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Trebuchet MS, Arial, Helvetica, serif">quote:</font><hr width="100%" size="1" noshade><font face="Trebuchet MS, Arial, Helvetica, serif" size="2">McDonald's Coffee
Warning - Contents may be hot.</font><hr width="100%" size="1" noshade></BLOCKQUOTE>

McDonalds? Hot? Bah, nonsense!

A more accurate warning would be 'McDonalds products may contain STDs'.

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Trebuchet MS, Arial, Helvetica, serif">quote:</font><hr width="100%" size="1" noshade><font face="Trebuchet MS, Arial, Helvetica, serif" size="2">Jonsreds Chainsaw
Do not attempt to stop chain with hands.</font><hr width="100%" size="1" noshade></BLOCKQUOTE>
lol, I'm not sure anyone is dumb enough to do that. Even children of 5 would know not to do that.

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Goto www.david-dickinson.net and watch David Dickinson 0\/\/n some antiques.

That is a lot of dumb warniings

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ill kick ure arse

It may be true that there are a lot of stupid warnings out there, but companies are just trying to cover their asses to protect against really stupid people out there. I have a really good example from right here in town.

You wouldn't think that a cliff three stories tall would require a sign saying, "Do not jump off cliff.", would you?

Well, at a local quarry, a guy did exactly that.

It was a water filled quarry that was a popular place for kids to swim during the summer, and one night, a drunken idiot decided that he could jump from the top of the cliff into the water, in spite of the fact that there was a floor of rock about 40 feet wide between the base of the cliff and the water.

You can guess what happened next.

Most of us would just say, "Idiot kills himself. Let's nominate him for a Darwin award." and leave it at that, but the numbnuts' family sued the quarry owner, and won! The quarry owner had to fill in the area between the cliff and the water at great expense, and errect fencing around the site. Now kids can't swim at the quarry anymore, and one of my favourite fossil hunting spots is gone.

That is why there are stupid warnings.

Speaking of stupid warnings... Here is one I read off a bottle of sleeping pills: WARNING: May cause drowsiness.

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The Epidermis Emporium (temporary site until teamdeim.com is back up)
TEAMDEIM.COM
The Team DeiM Forums
The Boingo Page

AAARRGH!!!

*runs away from David Dickinson*

Oh yes.

For a few more stupid items, check out the "Stupid but True" section of The Boingo Page.



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The Epidermis Emporium (temporary site until teamdeim.com is back up)
TEAMDEIM.COM
The Team DeiM Forums
The Boingo Page

The sad thing is....most warnings are there because someone did just what it said not to do.

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Trebuchet MS, Arial, Helvetica, serif">quote:</font><hr width="100%" size="1" noshade><font face="Trebuchet MS, Arial, Helvetica, serif" size="2">The sad thing is....most warnings are there because someone did just what it said not to do.</font><hr width="100%" size="1" noshade></BLOCKQUOTE>
<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Trebuchet MS, Arial, Helvetica, serif">quote:</font><hr width="100%" size="1" noshade><font face="Trebuchet MS, Arial, Helvetica, serif" size="2">Swedish Chainsaw
Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands or genitals.</font><hr width="100%" size="1" noshade></BLOCKQUOTE>

What a disturbing thought.

I know one of the people who make warnings like those necessary. Mark Pouliti, my roomate last semester is easily the stupidest person I have ever had the extreme displeaser to meet. Examples:

We bought some microwaveable french toast. The next morning Mark gets it out and looks at the instructions.
"Shit. We can't use this in our microwave."
"What? Why not?"
"The insructions call for a microwave oven, we only have a microwave."
/me throws my book at him

At one point we were watching Gone In 60 Seconds DVD (on his player). When it was done, Mark asks me:
"Hey, how the hell do you rewind this thing?"
/me throws my book and one of my boots at him

There were many other similar episodes but those are the ones that I remember off the top of my head. In case you're wondering, he was being 100% serious. He really is that stupid. Oh, another one.
He was writing a paper for his Writing class and asks me to look at his intro. I slapped him with my book. His paragraph began with: Introduction; His thesis began with: Thesis:
Argh. I'm glad I don't have to live within 50 miles of him anymore.

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