Luser's Guide

January 5th, 2003, 01:46 PM

Luser Guide

Part 1: The CPU

This is a large box that comes with your computer for only one reason: the power button. The disk drive and cd-rom can be removed and placed in a drawer for convenience. Plugging in is only neccesary once a week.

Part 2: The monitor

Commonly called the "TV thing", the monitor is radioactive and dangerous. It can either be plugged into the CPU or the wall, but not both. A green light means it's working, a yellow light means to smack it like a tv with bad reception.

Part 3: The internet

The internet comes to your computer through a modem, a detachable box inside your computer. The modem should be placed either next to the CPU or taken home over the weekend. DSL and cable modems plug into the wall through a regular phone cord. If a dial-up modem makes screeching noises, unplug and try again.

Part 4: Mouse and keyboard

While you do not need a keyboard, Windows can not be navigated without a mouse. Mouse should be placed on a large enogh mouse pad that you will never rach the edges of it. Picking up the mouse can break it. Keyboard should be cleaned in lukewarm water - NEVER use soap! Keys on the keyboard can be removed and placed in alphabetical order to make typing easier.

Part 5: Fax Machine

While not a technically a part of the computer, tech support will be more than happy to help you with your problems. Fax machines come with a "shredder" that destroys the original document if it is faxed correctly. If an intact document emerges, try sending it again. Please note that if instead of a screeching noise, a human voice comes on and yells agrily, you obviously have the correct fax number and that person is just confused.

------------------
Smoke me a kipper... at Doom Heaven Wonder at my DVD Collection Laugh at my WebCam
Check out my Digital photographs

Yahoo bigal_m MSN Alastair_hm ICQ 2321212 AIM ahmdoom

Big Al's Legacy Wads
The End of the Old Order,When the Sleeper Wakes,
Shape of Things to Come, Your Stick, Lava Plant, NoName 3d

January 5th, 2003, 01:52 PM

This Doesnt Make Any Sence

January 5th, 2003, 02:15 PM

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:<hr width="100%" size="1" noshade>Part 1: The CPU

This is a large box that comes with your computer for only one reason: the power button. The disk drive and cd-rom can be removed and placed in a drawer for convenience. Plugging in is only neccesary once a week.<hr width="100%" size="1" noshade></BLOCKQUOTE>

A CPU

is a chip that is IN the case.

No offence Big_al, I would just like to meet the guy that started calling the PC/Mainframe a CPU and blast him with a BFG.

January 5th, 2003, 03:15 PM

That's gonna get ugly.

Besides, that wouldn't be very nice

------------------
Keep in mind me hearties. If you don't, slap yourself.

January 5th, 2003, 03:23 PM

its not supposed to make sense, lol, they are making fun of "computer morons" who never have the right terminology for anything, and dont know how to use a computer to save thier life. I work at a computer repair center, i've had ppl come in and completely confuse us by asking if thier "modem" was ready, they of course referring to the tower, were the confused ones, but we, of course, figured it out after a short while and set them straight. I've heard them all, "My cup holder is broken", "I just downloaded the internet and now my computer is slow" WELL NO KIDDING! MINE WOULD BE TOO IF I DOWNLOADED THE INTERNET!, "Uh, my computer says its low on disk space, so i deleted the biggest file folder in there to make more room" what was that folder called sir? "um, i think it was called 'windows'" *smack head with hand, beat customer with hammer*

but of course if it wasnt for these ppl, we all wouldnt have a good laugh from time to time

------------------
"I never thought i would get so far in life by being so obnoxious"
---Billie Joe Armstrong, Green Day

Visit http://doomwadreview.8m.net for the best wads out there

January 5th, 2003, 03:29 PM

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:<hr width="100%" size="1" noshade> "Uh, my computer says its low on disk space, so i deleted the biggest file folder in there to make more room" what was that folder called sir? "um, i think it was called 'windows'" *smack head with hand, beat customer with hammer*<hr width="100%" size="1" noshade></BLOCKQUOTE>

Bwahahahahahahahahaha

January 5th, 2003, 05:23 PM

no heatsink for AMD CPU = toasted CPU

January 5th, 2003, 05:36 PM

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:<hr width="100%" size="1" noshade> "Uh, my computer says its low on disk space, so i deleted the biggest file folder in there to make more room" what was that folder called sir? "um, i think it was called 'windows'" *smack head with hand, beat customer with hammer*<hr width="100%" size="1" noshade></BLOCKQUOTE>

LMAO !!!

January 5th, 2003, 05:43 PM

We had a kid bring in a computer into our PC Support class with roaches in it. The thing had been stored in an atic.

One time my friend and I were helping out the school techs. The computer wouldn't join the domain. Big surprise, the network card drivers weren't installed.

People constantly rip off the front pannel of the case, reach around the CD-ROM and pull the memory out of the board without even taking off the side of the case.

More crazy shit has happened in the past, but I can't think of it all at this moment.

------------------
-DarkWolf

January 5th, 2003, 06:55 PM

Well if they did get a little ugly then...nevermind.

------------------
Keep in mind me hearties. If you don't, slap yourself.
[img]http://www.clan-sf.com/911maps/fileupload/upload/rammstein.jpg
[/img]
[IMG]http://www.clan-sf.com/911maps/fileupload/upload/sven_kopf.jpg

January 6th, 2003, 07:27 AM

ROFL@I just downloaded the internet and now my computer is slow

------------------

----Linedef Technician and Sector Maker Upper----

January 6th, 2003, 01:45 PM

They must have had a freakin' phat pipe to get it and a hard drive as twice as big as there stupidity to store it.

January 6th, 2003, 07:01 PM

HAHAHAAH NO KIDDING! but i mean, c'mon people need to make an effort to at least know what they are takling about before they go talking about something. You know in some places you need a license to own a computer, i think that should be the case everywhere...

------------------
"I never thought i would get so far in life by being so obnoxious"
---Billie Joe Armstrong, Green Day

Visit http://doomwadreview.8m.net for the best wads out there

January 7th, 2003, 05:11 AM

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:<hr width="100%" size="1" noshade>You know in some places you need a license to own a computer, i think that should be the case everywhere...<hr width="100%" size="1" noshade></BLOCKQUOTE>

Ummmmmmmmm No Thanks! I don't want to pay anymore for this computer stuff just because some people are idiots.

------------------

----Linedef Technician and Sector Maker Upper----

January 5th, 2003, 01:46 PM	#1
Big_al Guest Posts: n/a	Luser's Guide Luser Guide Part 1: The CPU This is a large box that comes with your computer for only one reason: the power button. The disk drive and cd-rom can be removed and placed in a drawer for convenience. Plugging in is only neccesary once a week. Part 2: The monitor Commonly called the "TV thing", the monitor is radioactive and dangerous. It can either be plugged into the CPU or the wall, but not both. A green light means it's working, a yellow light means to smack it like a tv with bad reception. Part 3: The internet The internet comes to your computer through a modem, a detachable box inside your computer. The modem should be placed either next to the CPU or taken home over the weekend. DSL and cable modems plug into the wall through a regular phone cord. If a dial-up modem makes screeching noises, unplug and try again. Part 4: Mouse and keyboard While you do not need a keyboard, Windows can not be navigated without a mouse. Mouse should be placed on a large enogh mouse pad that you will never rach the edges of it. Picking up the mouse can break it. Keyboard should be cleaned in lukewarm water - NEVER use soap! Keys on the keyboard can be removed and placed in alphabetical order to make typing easier. Part 5: Fax Machine While not a technically a part of the computer, tech support will be more than happy to help you with your problems. Fax machines come with a "shredder" that destroys the original document if it is faxed correctly. If an intact document emerges, try sending it again. Please note that if instead of a screeching noise, a human voice comes on and yells agrily, you obviously have the correct fax number and that person is just confused. ------------------ Smoke me a kipper... at Doom Heaven Wonder at my DVD Collection Laugh at my WebCam Check out my Digital photographs Yahoo bigal_m MSN Alastair_hm ICQ 2321212 AIM ahmdoom Big Al's Legacy Wads The End of the Old Order,When the Sleeper Wakes, Shape of Things to Come, Your Stick, Lava Plant, NoName 3d

January 5th, 2003, 02:15 PM	#3
Looney Guest Posts: n/a	<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Trebuchet MS, Arial, Helvetica, serif">quote:</font><hr width="100%" size="1" noshade><font face="Trebuchet MS, Arial, Helvetica, serif" size="2">Part 1: The CPU This is a large box that comes with your computer for only one reason: the power button. The disk drive and cd-rom can be removed and placed in a drawer for convenience. Plugging in is only neccesary once a week.</font><hr width="100%" size="1" noshade></BLOCKQUOTE> A CPU is a chip that is IN the case. No offence Big_al, I would just like to meet the guy that started calling the PC/Mainframe a CPU and blast him with a BFG.

January 5th, 2003, 03:29 PM	#6
Looney Guest Posts: n/a	<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Trebuchet MS, Arial, Helvetica, serif">quote:</font><hr width="100%" size="1" noshade><font face="Trebuchet MS, Arial, Helvetica, serif" size="2"> "Uh, my computer says its low on disk space, so i deleted the biggest file folder in there to make more room" what was that folder called sir? "um, i think it was called 'windows'" smack head with hand, beat customer with hammer</font><hr width="100%" size="1" noshade></BLOCKQUOTE> Bwahahahahahahahahaha

January 5th, 2003, 05:36 PM	#8
Sparky Guest Posts: n/a	<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Trebuchet MS, Arial, Helvetica, serif">quote:</font><hr width="100%" size="1" noshade><font face="Trebuchet MS, Arial, Helvetica, serif" size="2"> "Uh, my computer says its low on disk space, so i deleted the biggest file folder in there to make more room" what was that folder called sir? "um, i think it was called 'windows'" smack head with hand, beat customer with hammer</font><hr width="100%" size="1" noshade></BLOCKQUOTE> LMAO !!!

January 7th, 2003, 05:11 AM	#14
Doom_Dude Guest Posts: n/a	<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Trebuchet MS, Arial, Helvetica, serif">quote:</font><hr width="100%" size="1" noshade><font face="Trebuchet MS, Arial, Helvetica, serif" size="2">You know in some places you need a license to own a computer, i think that should be the case everywhere...</font><hr width="100%" size="1" noshade></BLOCKQUOTE> Ummmmmmmmm No Thanks! I don't want to pay anymore for this computer stuff just because some people are idiots. ------------------ ----Linedef Technician and Sector Maker Upper----

January 5th, 2003, 01:52 PM	#2
Sparky Guest Posts: n/a	This Doesnt Make Any Sence

January 5th, 2003, 03:15 PM	#4
Amazon_Death Guest Posts: n/a	That's gonna get ugly. Besides, that wouldn't be very nice ------------------ Keep in mind me hearties. If you don't, slap yourself.

January 5th, 2003, 03:23 PM	#5
Doom2Hell Guest Posts: n/a	its not supposed to make sense, lol, they are making fun of "computer morons" who never have the right terminology for anything, and dont know how to use a computer to save thier life. I work at a computer repair center, i've had ppl come in and completely confuse us by asking if thier "modem" was ready, they of course referring to the tower, were the confused ones, but we, of course, figured it out after a short while and set them straight. I've heard them all, "My cup holder is broken", "I just downloaded the internet and now my computer is slow" WELL NO KIDDING! MINE WOULD BE TOO IF I DOWNLOADED THE INTERNET!, "Uh, my computer says its low on disk space, so i deleted the biggest file folder in there to make more room" what was that folder called sir? "um, i think it was called 'windows'" smack head with hand, beat customer with hammer but of course if it wasnt for these ppl, we all wouldnt have a good laugh from time to time ------------------ "I never thought i would get so far in life by being so obnoxious" ---Billie Joe Armstrong, Green Day Visit http://doomwadreview.8m.net for the best wads out there

January 5th, 2003, 05:23 PM	#7
Mr. Chris Guest Posts: n/a	no heatsink for AMD CPU = toasted CPU

January 5th, 2003, 05:43 PM	#9
DarkWolf Guest Posts: n/a	We had a kid bring in a computer into our PC Support class with roaches in it. The thing had been stored in an atic. One time my friend and I were helping out the school techs. The computer wouldn't join the domain. Big surprise, the network card drivers weren't installed. People constantly rip off the front pannel of the case, reach around the CD-ROM and pull the memory out of the board without even taking off the side of the case. More crazy shit has happened in the past, but I can't think of it all at this moment. ------------------ -DarkWolf

January 5th, 2003, 06:55 PM	#10
Amazon_Death Guest Posts: n/a	Well if they did get a little ugly then...nevermind. ------------------ Keep in mind me hearties. If you don't, slap yourself. [img]http://www.clan-sf.com/911maps/fileupload/upload/rammstein.jpg [/img] [IMG]http://www.clan-sf.com/911maps/fileupload/upload/sven_kopf.jpg

January 6th, 2003, 07:27 AM	#11
Doom_Dude Guest Posts: n/a	ROFL@I just downloaded the internet and now my computer is slow ------------------ ----Linedef Technician and Sector Maker Upper----

January 6th, 2003, 01:45 PM	#12
The Undertaker Guest Posts: n/a	They must have had a freakin' phat pipe to get it and a hard drive as twice as big as there stupidity to store it.

January 6th, 2003, 07:01 PM	#13
Doom2Hell Guest Posts: n/a	HAHAHAAH NO KIDDING! but i mean, c'mon people need to make an effort to at least know what they are takling about before they go talking about something. You know in some places you need a license to own a computer, i think that should be the case everywhere... ------------------ "I never thought i would get so far in life by being so obnoxious" ---Billie Joe Armstrong, Green Day Visit http://doomwadreview.8m.net for the best wads out there

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