DOOM Movie -- Reviewed by Aliotroph?

[Aliotroph?]

So the other day my friend called me up and told me his comic guy gave him advance passes to see DooM. I figured it would suck, but he wanted to go so we did.

If I decide to post anything here that's a nasty spoiler I'll mark it in red and then do the actual text in the same colour as the background so you don't have to read it. Onward!

If you want a movie with a good sci-fi story, believable roles and characterizations then don't bother. You'll hate it, and probably all the more since the plot is full of holes, the technobabble sucks and story is based very loosely on the game (you knew that last bit though....).

However, if you like dark corridors, blood, guts, lots of guns, and big tough guys who say FUCK a lot then you'll love it! It has DooM's creepy place, it has lots of cool weapons (although they could have had a bit more there -- see below), and it even has very accurate DooM monsters.

At the same time, all that stuff they mentioned early on that sounded like shit is actually true -- except it's not as it seems. I'm not giving any more detail than that in this part...

If you like DooM a lot for its violence and atmosphere, and especially if you're the type to sit around and read/write DooM stories then go see it. It'll be fun, even if you decide it's stupid. If you want a sci-fi movie with characters and such, then go see Serenity. I had lots of fun seeing this with a friend who played DooM with me back in the ancient days. *thumbs*

If anyone wants more spoiler-type stuff than what I put below, I'll answer it in here with the same colour scheme, or those discussions will just migrate to another thread when everyone else sees the movie anyway. :)

Stuff below is spoiler stuff and you have to highlight it to see it.



Back to stuff that was in the movie that we thought would be shit:

Pinky is a guy in a wheelchair. Of course, since people turn into hellspawn... *diablo*

The "Bio-Force Gun" might be called that on a screen somewhere. I didn't see it. Sarge knows what to call it!

The UAC has an Oduvai outpost alright -- ON MARS!

That screen with the Christmas lights is no publicity shot; it's in there, but it works ok.

Other good stuff:
-BFG, lots of shotguns, a chaingun, rifles, pistols, etc.
-The UAC place looks like DooM III as much as you can ever expect a movie set to.
-Sarge (The Rock) is scary.
-The Imps (and other monsters)
-Dr. Carmack and Dr. Willits. :D

The bad:
-they didn't come from Hell
-No rocket launcher.
-Not enough BFG
-The technobabble and premise -- just plain stupid. Looks like these guys are trying to say something bad about genetic engineering when we shouldn't care about that in the context of this film. They crossed that with the archeology from DooM III and it makes utterly no sense.
-The "marines" are a pretty random and unrealistic bunch. I got Armageddon vibes from them.

I've left out a few bazillion neato details, even for you guys who want them. Go watch it (or ask stuff...).

[Doom_Dude]

I read the spoiler stuff and didn't find it too spoilerish. ;)

[Nomad]

I agree. That wasn't spoilerish much.

It sounds to me that the Pinkie should have been more like what the Chatterer Beast in Hellraiser IV: Bloodline was--A human violently deformed into more of a dog-like creature. The bio-mechanical legs would still fit, and wouldnt' have to be gay wheelchair wheels.

I'm really hoping that one of the theaters in town gets this tomorrow. I really do want to see it.

[Falci]

It'll hit the theaters here on December 30th.... a shame! I love bad, bloody movies!

[She-wolf]

Mweh. I might just go and see that Night Watch movie, the Russian one that's based on some books from there. From what I've read it seems like it's pretty good.

[Wad'a'Holic]

Comes out in 6 days for me, im counting the days...

[General Greivous]

Just saw The Rock on The Daily Show, and he's still saying the "demons" are from Hell... *sighs*

[Aliotroph?]

lol Maybe they took the Pope to heart when he declared that Hell is not a physical place but a state of being. :D

[comtar]

Doom is Hell, so I don't understand why they didn't have them come from Hell except the fact Hell isn't a big selling point for movies (Constantine). I also don't understand the fact that a professional script writer wrote Doom3, but apparently an idiot wrote the Doom Movie. Why couldn't they still use writer?

I'm sick of gaming companies selling out theirrights and then having nothing to do with it. "Yeah you can make a movie out of our game." and then 15 weeks later watch the trailer and say "Okay."

At least with the Silent Hill movie, Konami is overseeing all aspects of production and apparently will have the composer from the Silent Hill games be the musician for the Silent Hill movie, they are truly making sure it's done right. I think more video game makers should do this. If they ever make a Metal Gear Movie, I couldn't imagine anyone else but Hideo Kojima directing.

[Big_al]

You forgot the most important details.
What was the popcorn like?
Did they sell supersized sodas?
Was the ticket flunkie a hot babe?
Did Mystic smuggle in 24 pack of choc-ices and force feed you them during the movie "since they were melting"? Still can't face one to this day.

[TheVoid]

I wasn't going to read the spoilers, but after reading everyone else's comments that they weren't very spoilerish, i went ahead... they're not. Good times though. I'll be seeing it tomorrow night. Expect some sort of review.

[FATAL]

I also don't understand the fact that a professional script writer wrote Doom3
At least in Finland children at an age of 5 aren't called professional writers.


Did Mystic smuggle in 24 pack of choc-ices and force feed you them during the movie "since they were melting"? Still can't face one to this day.
HAHAHAHAH. You can't believe how much I laughed at that.

Reminds me of this one time, when my friend felt an urgent need to go to toilet while watching Lord of the Rings two towers. Too bad that the movie lasted for another two hours, and he came up with numerous hilarious ideas. One included the popcorn cup...

[Aliotroph?]

You forgot the most important details.
What was the popcorn like?
Did they sell supersized sodas?
Was the ticket flunkie a hot babe?
Did Mystic smuggle in 24 pack of choc-ices and force feed you them during the movie "since they were melting"? Still can't face one to this day.

I didn't eat any damned popcorn.
All the sodas in that theatre looked huge.
The ticket guy looked like a trainee customs agent for an airport in New York.
WTF is a choc-ice?

Yeah, that post wasn't very spoiler-ish. I was just being paranoid because Double D is always ranting about spoilers. lol

[Falci]

Hum... just to mention something I just read:

The Doom movie is going to be called: Doom: A porta do Inferno here in Brasil. The december 30th date is confirmed also...

Oh... putting it in English: "Doom: The door of Hell" or "Doom: Hell's Door"

A cool name for a mod, ain't it? (surelly a bad name for a movie though)

[Doom_Dude]

I didn't eat any damned popcorn.
All the sodas in that theatre looked huge.
The ticket guy looked like a trainee customs agent for an airport in New York.
WTF is a choc-ice?

Yeah, that post wasn't very spoiler-ish. I was just being paranoid because Double D is always ranting about spoilers. lol LOL I made you paranoidal? *guilty*

Stay tuned for Alio's next review: Aquirrels On Mars :D

[Fil]

WHEN WILL IT BE OUT IN ENGLAND?!?!?!? Oh, and on the BBFC thing, its a 15. And I found out BBFC stands for "British Board of Film Classification" http://www.bbfc.co.uk/

[ceniack]

i saw it, and i liked it, other than the monsters not being from hell, there were still some religious refrences in it.

ignore the fact that the monsters wern't from hell, and there are alot of things similar between the original doom readme, and doom 3

[Aliotroph?]

Yeah, they really did have the DooMers in mind when they made this. It has a lot of DooM feel to it.

Also worth mentioning that the music is very DooM. It just starts to rock and roll when things start getting shot up. :D

[Zack]

Yeah, the music was a nice hard rock tribute to the original game.

I was disappointed because there's no plasma or rocket launcher, no Cacodemons, no Arch-Viles, nothing surreal like that. AND NO CYBERDEMON! I -so- expected the Rock to mutate into a Cyberdemon with that BFG fusing to his arm or something. Reaper could still have killed him the same way and the ending would have been a lot more exciting.

There's definitely no Hell in the game but they hint at it here and there. The idea was that the "24th chromosome" would make you superhuman if it was compatible with part of the genome that hasn't yet been mapped, and it would turn you into a monster if that bit of genome contained an "evil" gene. Pretty lame...

Actually, despite all that, I really liked the movie. The action was good, and the gory deaths were sweet! The first person scene was SO much better than anybody anticipated, it was done REALLY well, and the pinky demon was not disappointing.

All in all, it wasn't 90 minutes of first-person stuff so it's worth seeing. Ebert is a fucking douche bag who made up his mind about the movie a long time ago and everybody knows it. So he can fucking kiss my fat cock.

[Aliotroph?]

Well, Ebert isn't a fan of DooM. If you don't like DooM or the occasional dose of senseless violence the movie won't have a lot to keep you entertained. I got a kick out of all violence. :D More monsters and more guns would have been good though.

[Fil]

Is there archaeology stuff in the movie........... were there alien ruins?

wait, dont tell, Ill find out myself :D

[Aliotroph?]

I could say it like one of those newbie mappers who doesn't know how to use that wad author textfile template:

There is/is not archeology in DooM.
There is/is not a boss in the movie.
You may/may not use this post as a base to build additional posts.
Browser used to build this post: Mozilla/IE/Firefox/Opera/Netscape/AOL/Other

[HyperFlash]

This movie is fucking cool, whether it has to do with Doom or not. The first-person section is the coolest thing I've seen in any movie. The BFG looks different and shoots a different projectile, but it makes more sense than just killing everything in a blast radius. And that pinky demon fight was pretty cool.

I went over to ytmnd.com and they had one where it showed all the critic's opinions about the movie, and they suck balls. Rotten Tomtatoes gave it like a 20% out of 100%, and this other asshole said it was "Deadly boring". I guess if sitting around on your fat ass for 40 years, watching and rating every movie that hits the theaters, then I guess you would find it dull. Either that or they're paid to rate movies. Or maybe they have no taste in any genre whatsoever but their own.

[Aliotroph?]

I bet you have to be in the right mood to watch this thing. Either that, or what I said before was right and you really need to be a DooM fan.

[FATAL]

I could say it like one of those newbie mappers who doesn't know how to use that wad author textfile template:

There is/is not archeology in DooM.
There is/is not a boss in the movie.
You may/may not use this post as a base to build additional posts.
Browser used to build this post: Mozilla/IE/Firefox/Opera/Netscape/AOL/Other
Haha, That's VERY informative. :p

[The Undertaker]

All I gotta say its nice to see a movie where the black guy isn't the first one to die.

[Chilvence]

*apologetic bump*

Its big a pile of crap riding the doom name towards fame. If it were by any other name it would still just be an excuse for lots of big sweaty guys to say fuck alot and make smarmy, premeditated comments, because everyone knows thats how tough guys make a living. The characters were excessively typecast to the point where you could see the writer was scrambling for new names to call old faithfuls. The point I'm getting at is that in all great action movies ever made, there has always been a scene or two where you have to stop and think "whoa shit, did he just do that using that and that" to some remarkably resourceful/intelligent/stylish and or surprising tactic, and you find yourself respecting that character almost involuntarily. In this the people are clinging so desperately to their pigeonholes that you almost want them to die for not trying.

The only enamouring part was the intresting transition to the first person viewpoint, which was to my surprise smoothly done - in the sense that it really felt like suddenly waking up in the eyes of a rampaging supermarine. The actual sequence itself though was not nearly as twitchy as it could have been. Trained eyes rapidly flick between percieved sources of danger, they dont float gracefully around as if doped up and staring at a beautiful landscape...

All in all the whole thing felt rather limp, as if you wanted to go "RAAARGH" because its Doom, but then suddenly realise its a film about a bunch of poseurs being ripped apart by somewhat unimaginative beasts. You can almost hear the imps saying "hey lets do that thing we saw on aliens to them!" and then snickering wickedly between themselves. Well, maybe that could count as a redeeming quality...

So, filmmakers, stop playing nice and rape my eyeballs senseless until I feel sorry for being the spoiled, ungrateful bastard that I am.

PS I did like the monkey bit, it felt like a little homage to System Shock 2.